Any other bad mommas out there? Raise your hand….
You know, the ones who truly love their kids with every ounce of their being, but still get frustrated over tiny things. The ones who want to be patient, but can’t keep calm when the kids are pushing them over the edge. The ones who truly are trying to do what’s best, but struggle. It happens, I know. I’m there. It’s so hard for me to look back at being the parent of one child and remembering how easy it was. I know I have said it 100 times already, but ask anyone–I loved it. It was simple. We got every single line in the book when we told people I was pregnant-the biggest being “Your life is about to change forever!” First of all: that’s terrifying. Stop telling newbie parents that. Secondly: it isn’t always true. Our first baby was a breeze, and I literally can’t hardly remember getting frustrated with him unless I knew he was acting out on purpose. Now no one ever tells you baby number 2 will “rock your world” or “change your life” but maybe this is the time you should start sharing this knowledge with parents. Little cash money gave us a run for ours, and it was simple for a bit, but as time went on, life got hard and Momma got frustrated. You can see it on my face now-I show the frustration in a second. I can’t handle the noise. Literally, my children are walking, talking, noises. Make that YELLING noises. They tear the pillows off the couch and this. Oh this is my pet peeve. You know why? Because I end up picking them up. Me. Yup. Not the little tornadoes who wrecked the place. It’s. a nightmare. You know what else ticks me? The fact that any other person can tell them “No, no, Let’s not do that” in the sweetest little tone, and when I tell them to stop it has to be at the decibel of 100k UT fans screaming because of the last second Hail Mary catch to win the game.You want to know why I have to be so dad-gum LOUD?? Because they are CONSTANTLY YELLING. Literally-nonstop. Inside voices don’t exist here and it’s beyond my comprehension. Either way, every once in a while, i have these “I am a terrible Mom” thoughts. They sneak up, they take over, and they are the worst. I asked my husband a few nights ago, ” Do you ever get the feeling that you have failed as a parent?” And I am not talking about raising my kids to be decent. They are. But, I mean, feeling like you exploded too hard that day. Or ignored them too much that week. It’s a rough road ya’ll. I had my week last week, and I had my epiphany. When Ford was a babe, I had no smartphone. I had no job (except to be his momma) and I hardly ever got upset. Fast forward 5 years to now, and I have 2 boys who have screaming matches nonstop and send me over the edge sometime. But I can’t blame them. I spoke with a sweet momma friend yesterday who said she tells her son “When I get frustrated, remind me that you are only 5.” And he told his Dad not long after that, ” I am only 5 Dad.” This made me giggle, but I think it’s so important! We have to remember our kiddos are only kiddos, and sometimes life ain’t perfect.. K? I have made a goal for myself to be more present as a mother. To put the phone away as much as possible and really make an effort to be a better Mom. To play longer. To read to them more. To throw the ball for the 700th time. To listen the stories-because to them-those are the really important aspects of life. And you know what, there is some serious wisdom to that. All of us would do well to unplug for a bit. And while I realize, I have a blog, I have to be present in the internet world, I intend to do so at the right time. To not let it take over. I know this will be a long road, but I want to get better by the day. I truly think most of my most frustrated moments could have been avoided if the phone was down. If I wasn’t thinking about what to say to this person. If I wasn’t trying to respond to that email. It’s so hard to balance, but I wan’t to make a concerted effort to do so! In quick addition, can I take a moment to thank all of you all who say I’m “real and it’s refreshing”? That is huge for me . I do my best to be an open book and let you know about the real moments in my life–and be authentic. If you can’t be real, then what is the point? I also do this little bit on Instagram most day that I like to call “Carline Chronicles” where I just give the lowdown on my day. It’s goofy. I know-but you never know what I will say or share, and the element of surprise is always fun, right? SO make sure to follow fun journey Here. Nobody want’s to see fake perfection. So every post, (and Instagram story) I am going to try and be as real as possible. And hoping to improve every week. Anyone on board with me? Does every mama feel this way at some point? I can’t be the only one. Lord, please, tell me I’m not the only one. Fill me in ya’ll. Let me know your thoughts and let’s hope, we aren’t actually bad moms. Per the usual, All the love dolls 💋