It’s not joke. We all compare. We all analyze. We all judge. And while we all try not to, (at least I would think) it’s difficult! And not just thinking we are the ones doing it right–It’s more like thinking we are constantly in the wrong.
Like-seeing the mom at Chick Fil A not lose her cool over her kid doing that, when I totally would have. It’s pushing our child too hard in school, or not hard enough….It’s not feeding them the right foods, making them drink enough water, play outside enough, read them enough stories, etc. It’s all there. Tell me I am not the only one with these thoughts??
I refuse to believe I am the only one who feels this way, and wanted to make it clear. Today, momma, you are enough. You are perfection. You did it. You kept them alive. They were fed (maybe not bathed) but hey, nourished at least.
And I am not just talking about raising our big kids. *gulp* I just referred to my chit-lins as “big kids.” But really, I mean the Little’s too. The infants. Can we talk about the whole “breastfed vs. bottle-fed” conflict? I once had someone ask me how my oldest was fed..I replied with something like “He is a bottle baby (formula baby)” or something to that affect. It killed me that I couldn’t breastfeed. That is what I wanted for him. And for myself. Her response? “God’s way is never the wrong way.” I died. I didn’t want it all to go that way. It just did. She unknowingly called me out, and it broke me.
What I should have responded with? “Ummmm. Fed is best. Nourished is best.” But after the shock wore off, I just cried. If she would have known my struggle, she never would have made that comment. I thought it was so insensitive….And you know what I felt? Guilt.
Like I wasn’t enough for my baby. I’ll talk more about all this come later in pregnancy, but until then…..the guilt continues.
Something I think about (or talk about often if you know me in person) is how so many people are unable to have babies and this is all they truly long for in life. Pregnancy. To carry and hold their own baby. Or the others, who pine to adopt a baby with no home, but are unable because of the cost of adoption. And the guilt these ladies feel is overwhelming. Like maybe they aren’t enough… While every day, we see so many women popping out babies left and right who truly don’t deserve the privilege, nor do they cherish their title as mother. It’s cruel and unfair. I hate it.
Now while that may be a tad controversial, I truly believe it. So we are left with the mothers who know what some women are struggling with as far as conceiving goes, and our heart aches for them. We know that every baby they see born is a reminder of the fact that they still aren’t a mother. That they aren’t pregnant. That they can’t feel their own baby kick. I am doing my best to be a friend to those and truly sympathize with them. To cry with them. To listen to them. Just to be there.
I have to admit, my pregnancies have brought on guilt for this reason. Every time I have found out I’m pregnant, I know there are some who truly want the same feeling and can’t have it. It kills me. Then I want to apologize for my pregnancy. To apologize for happiness. This is where the pregnancy guilt kicks in. It’s a rough cycle ya’ll.
But if you are one of those women who are trying to conceive, trying to adopt, thinking about the feeling of pregnancy every day, please know I am in your corner. I want you to experience this more than I can express, and only want the best for you and your family!
And while sometimes it’s so hard NOT to complain about being pregnant and all the little things that comes with it, I am trying my hardest to cool it. There are so many out there who would kill to be in my misery. I’m trying to be sensitive to that!
This is something that has been weighing on me for a while…and today was the day to share with you friends on my corner of the internet. Thanks for following along with me and I hope this doesn’t offend or hurt anyone along the way. You all are amazing and I cherish you all!
Make sure to leave me your thoughts here-good or bad! I want to know..Fill me in yall!
All the love dolls💋
*top from Pink Blush …Tap the pic to shop some amazing maternity wear*